My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
