We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
