You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
