you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
