i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
