Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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