I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize