oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
