Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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