I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think my moral compass just broke
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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