nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
