I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
