Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
