Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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