So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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