I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
