We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
