We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize