I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
