She's JV to your varsity
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
