bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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