Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
