I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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