You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
