worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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