I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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