i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
