And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
