Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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