im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
