Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
