My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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