remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well you can't waste a boner
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
