i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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