My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
