chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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