Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
