Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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