I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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