I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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