im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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