Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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