And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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