So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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