Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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