im drinking this country out of the recession.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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