So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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