She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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