3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
