Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
