My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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