I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
