I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
