You can't motorboat a personality
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I currently don't understand fingers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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