i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
