Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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