Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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