Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
