there's paper in my vomit.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
