I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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