I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
