I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
