Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
