oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dignity is for republicans.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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