Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
