Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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