peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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