just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
