just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
