Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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