dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
