I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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