does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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