Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would fuck him just for his dog
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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