Moan for me like Helen Keller
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize