I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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