Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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