He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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