I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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