Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
