when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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