so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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