I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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