32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
