she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
