so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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