It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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